I've been awaken all night long, feeling overwhelmingly SAD that I am ALWAYS "apart" from the ones, I love the most! ~ My family: my daughter and my husband.
My daughter and I have been apart for so long, that it has become a normal part of our independent family lifestyle. Sadly, as if my childhood history has repeated itself in my daughter. I was separated from my own mother in an orphanage by war. And again today, I am separated from my daughter by a different kind of " today's contemporary" war.
My teenager daughter and I have become interdependent of each other.
She is happy, healthy and back to school and back to her own routines of living her High School years, knowing I am always nearby when she needs me. She doesn't need me on a daily basis, she said; while she is fighting for her own independent, to find a place in this world for herself.
I've accepted the space between us with a familiar pain of love I've known all my life.
We all have experienced, being separated from our loved ones by some form or another everyday...
My separation from my loved ones still comes from my early years, as an orphan.
It lives in me everyday of my life, still today!
I woke up this morning, still feeling that strong emotion, all too real that I am still "apart" from my family! It's not a dream. It's MY today's reality.
These sad emotions surfaced in me strongly. That familiar gnawing pain of "waiting" to see my family again one day, like it was just yesterday that I waited at my orphanage's front gate. I waited 25 years to find my family. I still only remember the sad emotion that they never came for me.
I am still waiting for my family today...
That "sad girl" still LIVES in me, DAMN IT! :)
I can't wipe enough of her sad tears away, no matter how old I get or how strong or wiser in my "emotional intelligent," as I become an adult. Why is that? I know better!
I woke up, missing the BEST part of me~ my husband. My best friend! :(
It doesn't make any sense... Of course, we have been apart many times before, and NO, we are not newlyweds, but this strong feeling is real! We've been apart for only a week!
On the other hand, as a responsible adult, I have much to do to tidy up the cottage, laundry to do, rose bushes to plant, dogs to feed and two acres to mow... But they don't seem to matter or make good enough reasons to be apart from the one I love. (Especially, the one I can be with.)
Let's get ONE thing straight... I am a grown woman. I am an independent woman and I do require my alone time in our marriage before! But.... I miss him (my family) terribly!
I reached for the phone to hear his voice on the other end of the line to make sense of my sad feelings.
I couldn't help but to hear that same "sad girl in the orphanage" saying these words...
"I don't want to be "apart" anymore"... "I don't want to "wait" anymore!"
As I write my today's blog.... I am not that "sad girl, in the orphanage" or that "sad victim" today!
I am an empowered adult to make my own choices to get there if I can! :)
Life is not perfect, ever! but we have the freedom to make our own choices everyday to be where we want to be! :) It's your life! It's your choice!
May you choose to be a "little closer" to your loved ones today! :)
So, how would that be for you, today? ...
~ A phone call, a text to your family to say "I love you"
~ Or stopping by their house to give them, "a surprise hug just because you can"
~ Or get on a flight, a train, a road trip to get there if you can?
Love is all we got, at the end of the day!
With Love & Family,
Hai
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