Family - (Jerry turned 16) ~Day 17

Our first family trip was unusual for any family to say the least! I had no idea what to expect but I was hoping by the end of the trip there would be a strong bond among us all.

A very reasonable wish, I would say so.

James had shared his own divorce scenario with me and I took it all in as background information which was very helpful.   However, to get to know each one of his children during this trip was a story soon to unfold on the other side of the world.

An unforgettable and fond memory for me will always be celebrating our Jerry’s 16^th birthday in the air as we crossed over the time zone on December 29, 2004. We were all in our seats on this long 15 hour flight, singing “Happy Birthday” with a muffin (we even light a candle to put on top of his muffin) for our Jerry!  Unfortunately, when you cross the international date line, you loose a day, so we left LA on December 28^th and landed 15 hours later on December 30^th!  With the date change, Jerry’s entire birthday was celebrated on that long airplane ride!!

I couldn’t wait to share his special 16^th birthday gift we had prearranged with my family when we arrived at the small quaint village where our wedding was to be celebrated!

We all know how important it is in America to be able to drive legally at the age of 16!  However, turning 16 in Vietnam creates a different kind of driving experience.   Regardless, I still wanted him to have that same “driving” privilege.    So, I prearranged with my family to set up 2 oxen and a cart especially for Jerry’s birthday so he could take that special “16 year old” drive!  When the cart pulled up we said to him, “Happy Birthday Jerry, and go as fast as you like!”  We wanted to make sure he got that “first time drive” speed out of his system.  

It was hilarious and the most joyful part of our special wedding day for all the kids.

Jerry's first ride! :)

Jerry, being the youngest child, has spent the most time with us the past 8 years, and we have developed a special bond.  Still today, I hold great affection and love for him as I’ve witnessed his growth into a loving young man. Jerry, of all the children, has bridged the gap for us both so beautifully into both worlds.

With Love & Light,

Hai

Live for Today! ~Day 16

So sorry but "Living your Dreams ( Family) Part 4,"  as promised; has to be continued on another day! :)

I was taken away with "living for today" FULLY so I haven't had time to blog until now, late Friday at 10:30pm, while my husband is snoring next to me! :) A sound of home, comfort and satisfaction after an incredible evening together!

Life is fabulous today...
Starting out, I slept until NOON, (unbelieveable treat after my many insomnia nights! :)
Awaken by my husband's phone call to ask me out for our usual Friday Lunch Date. It's our tradition, going on since we've been married!  We met up for a great lunch! I had my morning coffee at that time and enjoying every drop of a "latte - da" of a slow start on a lazy Friday with my date.

From there, I went for my 3 hours parafin manicure & pedicure treat at a great Salon nearby his office, with our evening plans already set!

We had an amazing dinner out with a friend in Vermillion, Ohio on Lake Erie while dinning at an exquisite French restuarant "Touche" with this breathtaking view from our table.

Our meals were divine and our laughter was lasting!

To top off our evening, we walked to Vermillion's nearby downtown by the sea to pay a visit to Granny's home made ice cream parlor! Together, we walked along the beach, enjoying the fast melting cones in July while watching this deep rich sunset, greeting us all a good night!

It's best to live for Today because Tomorrow is not promised to anyone!

With Love & Light,

Hai

Living your Dreams, (Family) Part 3 ~ Day 15

Continued...
My idea of bringing everyone together for the 10 days on an authentic Vietnam adventure with a purpose for a family wedding would be too perfect of a trip to bond with each other. Right?

It sounds like a perfect movie to be made with an ending to inspire anyone to take on a foreign trip into a far off land to build strong family ties.   It sounds even quite romantic, don’t you think?

Well, before my fantasy can come true, there was a lot of work cut out for me from the start.  First, I found out we had to land in Hanoi, North Vietnam instead of Saigon, ( also known as Ho Chi Minh City after 1975) South Vietnam where my family’s small village was only 200 miles north of Saigon. 

That started out not so ideal but I took this opportunity as a positive omen to show my American family the country where I grew up.  We planned a 10 day trip which included a 700 mile trip from Northern to Southern Vietnam by private bus to experience it all.  This was to be a rare opportunity that would end with a family wedding ceremony that they would all play a very important role in.

I even hired an overseas tailor and sent our measurements weeks ahead of our trip in order to make Vietnamese traditional “ao dai” gowns for each family member to wear in the wedding.  By planning ahead, all we had to deal with were a few minor alteration adjustments.

No problems!!!! I can tackle any obstacles to make this dream come true!

I became the focused travel agent/coordinator and communicator to both countries to make it all legal with visas, passports, immunization requirements, airline flight tickets, domestic & international with airport transportation, bus rental, hotel stops etc. I hired a translator to travel with us to help coordinate our family adventure.  We even arranged a special overnight excursion treat on a “junk boat;” an authentic historical ship for the whole family with our own crew!  Yes, our very own ship for everyone to experience Vietnam, with Hai’s fantasy still writing the script.  

These are "junk boats" . Our ship was docking on the right, while we toured Ha Long Bay on land.

To begin this family adventure at home, all James’ adult children said “yes” and they all agreed to start saving a small amount of personal money to contribute toward the fund of traveling to the Far East for the very first time! I learned James way of raising responsible children by asking them to do their part to contribute toward anything in life.  It was refreshing for me to see and to learn from him, as I was and still am a young parent of one very special, but spoiled, child.  I was also a spoiled spender myself, trying to change some habits from the past.

I spent in the double digit thousands of dollars to make this "trip of a lifetime" happen for my new big family. Money was never the issue! I wanted to create an amazing experience for my husband and his children.  At this time, my new husband also learned about my spending habits on his lesser salary than what I was used to.  He never complaint or set limits on me, especially unusual for a frugal father of four and a one income family all of his life.  I knew I married the right man to say, I'd rather have a generous man than a rich man anyday. After this trip , I learned new adjustments on my own as I learned to live within our means with joy in my heart.  I love him, not his money, so I also adjusted to a different way of life with my new spending habit, slowly but surely.

This is just a personal side note to share because it is such an important real issue in any new family when two different lifestyles emerge. I was once warned, "if money problems come in the front door, love tends to leave out of the back door." I never knew what that meant until I had a marriage where I didn't want love to ever leave our home.  :)  My husband is a wonderful provider for us, so I don't have to work,  but I knew I had to change my spending habits! It's a give and take partnership. What part do you play to make your family, marriage, relationship work in your financial department as well. Finance is a huge part of any marriage and family to not be real about it here with you.

So, where was I?...

Oh, further planning our trip....
Of course, I also want my one & only Amerasian daughter, Lauren, to be a part of her big family too to complete this happy family picture! This would be a profound experience for her to meet her ancestors and family over in Vietnam for the very first time!

My ex-spouse and the father of my child REFUSED to sign any visa/passport paper to allow our daughter to be with her mother and to experience a trip of a lifetime; to meet and be with her two families from both sides of the world.  With 10 family members, along with her Uncle & Cousins traveling on this trip, my ex husband's excuse was that he was “afraid” for her safety to travel overseas with us.  He would not allow my daughter to attend her mother's family wedding.
This was the first reality to surface in my family fantasy, and life long dream of what a family is all about.   To me, it was the saddest and the meanest act from my past loveless reality to surface in my dream.

Eventually, to stop all the fighting, and not to waste my energy on my ex, I accepted that my very own Amerasian daughter would not be a part of our family trip! :(
Not too surprised now, after many years of dealing with a hateful ex husband, but what kind of father would be that selfish to deny their own child the opportunity to be with her native Vietnamese family, as well as her new American family?

Still today, she has not traveled to Vietnam with me, while I have co-signed her passport/visas to travel with her father on numerous international business trips the past 3 years.  I would never deny her that experience.

James became too aware of my divorce situation more and more when dealing with a mean and spiteful ex -spouse in our new marriage, while I learned of his own peaceful ways  toward his own ex-spouse for his children's sake. I admire him for that so much.
My husband has taught me so much more about love through the years!

Looking back now, this trip was very ambitious of me to attempt, with unrealistic expectations that I didn't realized until much later.
But then... James and I were so in love, still living out our newfound dream & happiness that we wanted to share with our family, our children, and even to the world by attempting to bridge two continents. 

So let's sail away into the beautiful sunset, shall we?...

Please tune in tomorrow for Part 4...

With Love & Light,

Hai

Living your Dreams, (Family) Part 2 ~ Day 14

3) Family.

This is where my “adjustment” came in to play! 

My dream clashed with reality.  I learned that fantasy and dreams are not the same!   We will never be “The Brady Bunch”…

Soon after we eloped in Central Park, New York City on a beautiful April day, which also happened to be my 37^th birthday as well, I instantly became a part of his big FAMILY!

Since it was a second marriage for both of us, James already had a family of 4 children, including three grown children, Jim, Mary & John, and his youngest son, 14 year old Jerry,  and I had one daughter, 6 year old Lauren.   Neither children lived with us.

For the first time in my life, I get a second chance to live my dream of having a BIG loving family automatically!

So, I brought with me my own fantasy of what  I thought a big loving family can be for us, something like out of the “Brady Bunch” Show that I watched when I was younger, into my new marriage!

I knew going into our marriage that James had had a vasectomy many years ago. My biological clock was ticking strong as I entered a new loving marriage, one in which I would have loved to have a child of our own. Not that we didn’t look into having one of our own. We went to see several doctors to look into the possibility of reversing his vasectomy, only to discover the surgery came with a very low probability of success.

So, we don’t have any children together. This is my only regret I have, but I am also being greedy here, my friends!  When there are already five children between us to love and enjoy as we merged our two families.  Not only can we span across two families, we spanned across two countries, Vietnam and the U.S. of A.

Right after our marriage, James’ career moved us away from Atlanta and took us across the country to California.

I had a great idea to bring our Western family together with my Eastern family by planning our “public” wedding, where we would restate our vows for our new extended families, in my native country of Vietnam, on the other side of the world.  

This was also living my dream of being an Asian bride to honor my native heritage, where I would get to wear a red wedding gown in the traditional Vietnamese ceremony in my family’s small village.

So we notified all the family members of our plans to get their approval before we began the planning.  It was unanimous that a wedding in Vietnam would be a great “family” experience for all involved!!  

Of course, nothing is that simple, right? 

Come back tomorrow and I’ll spill the beans… Part 3

With Love & Light,

Hai

Living your DREAMS! - Part 1 ~ Day 13

I woke up this morning thinking about "Living our DREAMS", and decided to embrace today's writing on this vibration to see what will be revealed for me, as well as for my readers, about living your DREAMS!

There is a difference between your dreams and your goals!

I believe, “goals” are “steps” to get to your ultimate “dreams” that you envisioned for yourself. The dreams that you hold near & dear to your heart and they keep you going, even on tough days, to get to a better place!

Goals are the small steps in your journey! ~ Goal=journey!

Dreams are your designations ~ Dream=destination!

Of course, we all can have more than one dream!  We can have as many dreams as your imagination allows, followed by creating them into your reality! So, dream with your TRUE heart and…never stop dreaming as long as you live!

I realized after writing yesterday’s blog, it revealed that I AM LIVING my dream each and everyday! I feel so blessed today to wake up in my dream, with my eyes even more wide open and mindful of it!!!!

I am not to miss living my dream each day!  I will not take my dreams for granted!

I am to know that I am standing on the X marking the spot of my dream each day!

I have arrived in reaching my dream of finding 1) True Love 2) Home and 3) Family

Most of us tried so hard and work so hard toward reaching our dream that when we get there, we lost sight of it in the details and/or we didn’t slow down enough to enjoy the journey, and missed the dream altogether. We kept on going to our next goal and never acknowledge or even saw the “ YOU ARE HERE” sign, while standing on top of the X marked spot!!

How sad is that?

As I continue my discipline of writing each day for 100 days, as a student, I will be MINDFUL of my daily gift of life! 

Each day, life reveals my NOW, my present, in profound ways as I honor it by writing my heartfelt blessings on paper,... One Day At A Time!!!

I truly hope it will also prompt you to take a look at your own life, one day at a time, as you read my blog!

A small step toward sharing our dreams with the Universe....What are your top five dreams? 

You can have hundreds but for today, at least have your top 5 dreams!

Do you have it written down somewhere? 

If not, I recommend that you do that right now!

I will share my top 5 dreams here. They are:

1) True love

2) Home

3) Family

4) Help to re-build an orphanage in Vietnam in Cam Ranh City, where I once grew up to help other orphans.

5) Help make a difference in the world somehow.

My true heart’s dreams are simple on my list but they are the most important dreams in my life!

 

When I met my husband, James, which fulfilled my top 3 dreams with some adjustments on my list. 

I will expand on that "adjustment" later...

1) True Love.

I didn’t know when, where or who that “true love” package would be for me. I just stayed true to my heart, and my heart knew when he showed up!  But, not without all the steps and mistakes and self doubt, even the feeling of not deserving love, in my journey to get me here!

My handy man, my husband, my best friend! :)

I appreciate and acknowledge my dream of having true love everyday with my James. I don’t complain much as his wife or take him for granted at all. I thrive to be loved and to love him very well as my full time job. And I do take my job very serious!  :)

I know how empty it is to live without love for 37 years!  And we are the lucky ones, some people live a lifetime without love! So, I am sooo blessed! Thank you, Lord!

For that, each day, I am protecting, caring and cultivating my dream within my marriage!  I’ve learned more about loving him each day as I can imagine what “love” is for us.  My love is reveilled in many ways, from cooking, time spent together, touches, my love, honor, respect and having fun together, keeping myself fit and attractive as a woman to my partner, and sharing our friendship.  I do all I can for him to feel my love.

I am mindful to be the best wife that I can be; not subservient in anyway but only with kindness to him as his partner each day. I don’t take him for granted, as I know he doesn’t take me for granted either. I am living my dream mindfully, now that I have it within my grasp!

We both work very, very hard to love each other on a daily basis to keep our dream ALIVE!

2) Home

When I was a little girl, before my days in the orphanage, I still have faint memories of being so happy, loved, and safe in a tiny little grass mud hut home that my grandmother lived in, across the world in Vietnam.  That vision and feeling was home for me forevermore!

As I grew up, I hung on to that vision of that tiny cottage, filled with love when I felt happy & safe in it!

As long as I can remember, I have always been attracted to little cottages. But “love” must always be the main ingredient that has to be there, to fill up the cottage with love, to complete my heart’s dream of home, like my grandmother’s house.

Ironically, as I grew up in America and moved far away from my true heart, I lived and even built million dollars houses for my first marriage & family! I eventually became a custom homebuilder to build the American Dreams for others to purchase. My heart never felt “home” in any of the houses I built for my family, even with a massive brick wall around my home, in the midst of a coveted neighborhood in Atlanta, did I ever feel safe.

I was living someone else’s American dream, and not living my true village girl dream at all. Love was never there for me to feel the same as in that tiny cottage of my childhood.  Eventually, I let go of that dream!

In 2003, after I met James, I shared my true heart’s “dream home”  and described this little yellow cottage with love in it, like my grandmother’s house!  We were made for each other! He shared his similar dream. Come to find out, yellow is his favorite color, too!  And so, we were out looking for our dream together, of owning our little yellow "love shack" somewhere!

Since 2007, we’ve been living in our  “dream home” with goals of renovating our yellow cottage in Rome, Georgia.  It’s cute! It's simple. It’s not grand at all but it is EVERYTHING GRAND to my heart and I feel loved, happy, and safe, in our cottage with my true love in it!  :)

Our massive labor of love in this dream is priceless and can never be bought or sold in our lifetime. James has built a picket fence around the cottage, my dream closet, my Barbie size kitchen, my art studio, with 4 country dogs running free inside an outer fence with an electrical gate entrance to our 5 acre little adobe that we both so adore!

We decided, no matter where he has to work, this yellow cottage would forever be our home together.  Anything else in between will only be temporary.  Together, we staked our love in our  little  yellow love shack here, in the woods on Eden!

3) Family.

This is where my “adjustment” came in to play! 

My dream clashed with reality.  I learned that fantasy and dreams are not the same!

We will never be “The Brady Bunch”…

To be continued… Part 2

Occupation: Wife~ Day 12

James and I are settling in nicely in our RV as our summer home.  Even Teddy, our dog has our new routine down. My husband is at work and I am at home, as the “WIFE.” 

The boss with a memo that reads;  “Enjoy and keep it simple!”  

I love my job!  But, it hasn't always been this way…

After my transition, 8 years ago, after marrying Mr. Swasnon, I came into a role of a full time wife, not working outside the home, Boy, did I struggle with my ego! The thought of what society would think of me as not being "productive", not “successful” if I don’t have a title.  I continued to look for work, outside of the home so that I can be “someone” added more stress in my marriage, with looking and complaining to my husband!  He didn't care if I have a job or not. Actualy, he is happier, only if I am happy, doing whatever I want to do or do nothing! 

I had to re-define my happiness without working. Even though, I really have been there, done that and I know I am NOT missing out on anything “out there,” but my ego brought struggles into my marriage over me struggling to get a  job "title" because of my own built-in insecurity as a college graduate and accomplished adult expectations. 

When we were young and we were "supposed" to look for that important "title"  as a college graduate, entering the real world. That has always imprinted on my list of happiness.

Climbed that corporate ladder, checked! 

Be successful and make a lot of money, checked!

Along the way, have a nice family with kids, a big house, live in the right neighborhood with a nice car parked in the driveway, checked!

Look good and successful for others, even get a divorce and fight over all the “stuff” that obviously go with that, checked!

Checked, checked and checked off of my long list!  ...and on the bottom of that list, I was MISERABLE!!!!!     Nowhere, did it say on my ambitious achievements list: Wife!

It’s really not so difference then or still is now at any generation. The details of the “expected” picture maybe a bit different.  We all have gone through it and/or watched someone else in our family going through it, still today. You may even be stuck in this struggle, now!  

Somehow, by the time we graduated from High School, College or even beyond to get our Ph.D, we all have a checklist in our heads that we must have an important title to be happy.

I wonder where that checklist came from for each one of us?

At 45, I finally can say my favorite occupation is being my husband's WIFE!  Yes, God forbids that I dare to admit it out loud!  LOL ha-ha  

Our family is happier because we are willing to live with only one income. Of course, having two incomes allow us to buy and to own more... but... more of what?  

We opted out of having more things and live with less but the rewards have been MORE of everything else that matters! TIME!

Time to be together whenever we can while James works full time for both of us. Otherwise, with both of us working, we felt we would be two ships, passing each other by in our lives! ( I've been here once, too!)

This way of life may not be for everyone and that’s okay! As long as you love who you are and what you do with the time given to each one of us on this earth, that's yours to own! 

This is so happened to be my own most favorite thing to be ~ a full time wife to my husband. 

I am so happy with us and life is good...going on 9 years! :)

I know plenty of people who love to work all the time! I know people who love to chase after the money, the game, or always stay busy, working outside of the home!

I also know plenty of people who hate what they do but do it anyway. It’s not wrong or right; it’s just what we do and each one of us has a CHOICE to do what we want in our lives. We should have no judgment on any occupations or any lifestyles.

We all must live, hopefully with some meanings in our lives that we get to choose. You are 100% responsible for our own life! Also, remember, we only have ONE life, so choose wisely for you!

Until I was okay with myself and at peace to know my worth, regardless whether I have a job or not, I allowed myself to enjoy my favorite occupation that brought me more meanings, happiness, peace and daily joy than anything that I’ve done. Also, it has less stress. I can't claim NO stress because we, like everyone, have issues to worry about in life, in general.

Nowadays, I have fun during small talks when I am being asked, “What do you do?” 

I typically said,  “I am a full-time wife!” They normally react to that answer like that’s not considered a real job or significant enough. 

But of late, I have been answering the same question with,  “Oh, I am a kept woman!” and “I love, love my job!”  Than,  I sit back, smile and enjoy the reactions to that answer! :)

I love BEING my James’ wife. That is a BIG difference!

Like being in any position in your job or life, being with the right company or people, you know there is a difference in the joy of being there everyday or once in awhile!   Many people don’t like to be a wife or a husband to the wrong person much as if you are with the wrong employers! 

The main point I want to say today is... No matter what your occupation is, if you love being who you are and with your life, and NOT with the title of what you “do” to define you ( ego talking here).

Your true happiness is about being just YOU! :)

The world needs MORE HAPPY people on this earth than not! So be happy being YOU, no matter what title you have or don’t have. 

It's a world-wide effect! The people around you are happier because you transfer your joyful vibes out in to the world and all around you .  We can feel your positive energy! Especially your family!

Your happiness is important to everyone... from strangers, co-workers, and especially your loved ones! 

The Universe is happier when YOU are happy! :)

So...

(Yes, this is really my legal car tag!)

With Love & Light,

Hai

Building Memories~ Day 11

Great to be with good friends and family whenever we are back to Gibson City, Illinois.  

Population 3,500!

I just love the fact that this small town of Gibson City has an annual “Greyhounds” Class Reunion for EVERY CLASS to meet at the center of their town’s Park Pavilion.

It was so organized with programs, nametags, cold drinks, and food and even with their local radio station there on stage.Each class would meet at their designated area to meet & greet and catch up with each other.  

It was charming to see the good old- fashioned social networking at its best with no technology required!  So, move over FB….

I was amaze to read their program, welcoming from Class of 1940 to 1993!  It is still such a heartfelt All-American treasure to experience a small community bond in these days and ages!

I just adore Mid-Western people as I’ve lived and traveled many places from West Coast to East Coast!  I just wish the winter wasn’t so harsh for this tropical girl to even consider living there! Oh well… 

Heading back to Cleveland today, tired  and sleepy from our additional classmates late night, partying into the wee hours but it was so worth it to be with friends and family to keep on filling up our memory tanks!

Until next year my dear friends and family…

We love you all!