Living your Dreams, (Family) Part 3 ~ Day 15

Continued...
My idea of bringing everyone together for the 10 days on an authentic Vietnam adventure with a purpose for a family wedding would be too perfect of a trip to bond with each other. Right?

It sounds like a perfect movie to be made with an ending to inspire anyone to take on a foreign trip into a far off land to build strong family ties.   It sounds even quite romantic, don’t you think?

Well, before my fantasy can come true, there was a lot of work cut out for me from the start.  First, I found out we had to land in Hanoi, North Vietnam instead of Saigon, ( also known as Ho Chi Minh City after 1975) South Vietnam where my family’s small village was only 200 miles north of Saigon. 

That started out not so ideal but I took this opportunity as a positive omen to show my American family the country where I grew up.  We planned a 10 day trip which included a 700 mile trip from Northern to Southern Vietnam by private bus to experience it all.  This was to be a rare opportunity that would end with a family wedding ceremony that they would all play a very important role in.

I even hired an overseas tailor and sent our measurements weeks ahead of our trip in order to make Vietnamese traditional “ao dai” gowns for each family member to wear in the wedding.  By planning ahead, all we had to deal with were a few minor alteration adjustments.

No problems!!!! I can tackle any obstacles to make this dream come true!

I became the focused travel agent/coordinator and communicator to both countries to make it all legal with visas, passports, immunization requirements, airline flight tickets, domestic & international with airport transportation, bus rental, hotel stops etc. I hired a translator to travel with us to help coordinate our family adventure.  We even arranged a special overnight excursion treat on a “junk boat;” an authentic historical ship for the whole family with our own crew!  Yes, our very own ship for everyone to experience Vietnam, with Hai’s fantasy still writing the script.  

These are "junk boats" . Our ship was docking on the right, while we toured Ha Long Bay on land.

To begin this family adventure at home, all James’ adult children said “yes” and they all agreed to start saving a small amount of personal money to contribute toward the fund of traveling to the Far East for the very first time! I learned James way of raising responsible children by asking them to do their part to contribute toward anything in life.  It was refreshing for me to see and to learn from him, as I was and still am a young parent of one very special, but spoiled, child.  I was also a spoiled spender myself, trying to change some habits from the past.

I spent in the double digit thousands of dollars to make this "trip of a lifetime" happen for my new big family. Money was never the issue! I wanted to create an amazing experience for my husband and his children.  At this time, my new husband also learned about my spending habits on his lesser salary than what I was used to.  He never complaint or set limits on me, especially unusual for a frugal father of four and a one income family all of his life.  I knew I married the right man to say, I'd rather have a generous man than a rich man anyday. After this trip , I learned new adjustments on my own as I learned to live within our means with joy in my heart.  I love him, not his money, so I also adjusted to a different way of life with my new spending habit, slowly but surely.

This is just a personal side note to share because it is such an important real issue in any new family when two different lifestyles emerge. I was once warned, "if money problems come in the front door, love tends to leave out of the back door." I never knew what that meant until I had a marriage where I didn't want love to ever leave our home.  :)  My husband is a wonderful provider for us, so I don't have to work,  but I knew I had to change my spending habits! It's a give and take partnership. What part do you play to make your family, marriage, relationship work in your financial department as well. Finance is a huge part of any marriage and family to not be real about it here with you.

So, where was I?...

Oh, further planning our trip....
Of course, I also want my one & only Amerasian daughter, Lauren, to be a part of her big family too to complete this happy family picture! This would be a profound experience for her to meet her ancestors and family over in Vietnam for the very first time!

My ex-spouse and the father of my child REFUSED to sign any visa/passport paper to allow our daughter to be with her mother and to experience a trip of a lifetime; to meet and be with her two families from both sides of the world.  With 10 family members, along with her Uncle & Cousins traveling on this trip, my ex husband's excuse was that he was “afraid” for her safety to travel overseas with us.  He would not allow my daughter to attend her mother's family wedding.
This was the first reality to surface in my family fantasy, and life long dream of what a family is all about.   To me, it was the saddest and the meanest act from my past loveless reality to surface in my dream.

Eventually, to stop all the fighting, and not to waste my energy on my ex, I accepted that my very own Amerasian daughter would not be a part of our family trip! :(
Not too surprised now, after many years of dealing with a hateful ex husband, but what kind of father would be that selfish to deny their own child the opportunity to be with her native Vietnamese family, as well as her new American family?

Still today, she has not traveled to Vietnam with me, while I have co-signed her passport/visas to travel with her father on numerous international business trips the past 3 years.  I would never deny her that experience.

James became too aware of my divorce situation more and more when dealing with a mean and spiteful ex -spouse in our new marriage, while I learned of his own peaceful ways  toward his own ex-spouse for his children's sake. I admire him for that so much.
My husband has taught me so much more about love through the years!

Looking back now, this trip was very ambitious of me to attempt, with unrealistic expectations that I didn't realized until much later.
But then... James and I were so in love, still living out our newfound dream & happiness that we wanted to share with our family, our children, and even to the world by attempting to bridge two continents. 

So let's sail away into the beautiful sunset, shall we?...

Please tune in tomorrow for Part 4...

With Love & Light,

Hai