"Not So Perfect" ~ Day 3

Yipppeee! I found a like- minded community such as CCOR www.cocreatingourreality.com  to help me put my "Goals & intentions" behind my wish to express myself with a 100 day challenge to practice this discipline.  


I am SO thrilled and scared too to start my form of expression this week in the world of BLOGGERS. It's my first attempt at it AND it is also a personal challenge for me to overcome my fear & insecurity.  It's so wonderful to find a community that encourages each person to express ourselves in our chosen form and STAY WITH IT for 100 day challenge platform... i.e.  writing, video blogging, music, art, photography, dance, fitness, blog, journal etc... 


My chosen disciple is blogging...It's scary to put myself out there, to be vulnerble, raw and real about life and about myself. I hestitated and passed it up many times before deciding to "JUST DO IT!"  ( as Nike would say). Day 1 on this journey for me was July 7, 2011 and counting...


I am human to fear all the judgements of others!  My fear is NOT expressing myself. My fear IS exposing my "not so perfect English" in my writing (without an editor, that is). Even though I can say, I have written & published a real hardback book in 2003, I had professional editors and proof readers to ensure my professionalism in my perfect grammar before printing thousands of books. 


But, in today's real-time social media, like FB, Twitter and Bloggers, I don't have that luxury to have editors and proof readers standing by to correct my every post with perfect grammar to mask my insecurity.  


As a matured adult today,  I still hang on to a child's insecurity with my "not so perfect" grammar when I write & express myself each time I post a comment. ( I still do it anyway on FB but I still get that "Ugh" in my stomach with all the judgements out there among my friends & family when I do it!)  Whether it's real or not, it's real in my fear and in the pit of my stomach!


English is now my ONLY language I speak & write, but  I never quite mastered the English's past & future tenses and single & plural structures down quite properly.  
I have always been so ASHAMED of that, still today! :(


I had to learn English as a second language (ESL) starting in Middle School and washed away my native Vietnamese language. Wanting to "fit in" in my youth, my ESL barrier always kept me apart from my American friends as a "foreigner" as I tried to catch up with my new & adopted language. Some thought I was dumb in classes with my lack of understanding of the English language at that time. They tried to speak slowly or loudly to me with giggles attached to it. I masked my shame from 4th grade through college by studying twice as hard to feel smart inside!  Out in the real world, I had a Boss in Corporate America, who criticized my memos and reports with my "not so perfect" English. I've had even American relatives to make fun of my "not so perfect" grammar, still today. ( with or without mean-spirited intentions.)


I am human...It hurts and crushed my self-esteem and automaticlly put me back in time, in 4th grade all over again to feel that painful struggle to learn English. Even though, I am an adult now and I DO have  so much more confidence in myself ( thank goodness!!!), I still take it as "I am a dumb person" when I know intellectually, I am not a dumb person, at all! :)


So, there it is... my raw real-time insecurity & fear as a writer in blogging each day to you!  
I hope you will kindly over look any of my "not so perfect" English when I write in my blog. I hope you will only capture the essence of my inner thoughts and true meanings behind my writing that I want to convey. 


Just writing this blog today, has allowed me to accept who I am in this area and to embrace my own imperfection in my "not so perfect" English as a writer. Thank you for allowing me to share! 
Writing reveals, heals and forgives! Amazing.... I feel "lighter" now! :)

I hope in facing your own insecurity, please just taking it One Day At A Time and it's okay to Embrace your own imperfections as part of who you are and just Breath! ( it helps too).......... In & out, In & out! :) Have a fabulous weekend!


With Love & Light,
"Not So Perfect" Hai

What are you grateful for...? Day 2

I am feeling SO blessed with heartfelt gratitude this morning while walking with my dogs and mindfully taking a look all around me...

I came from a very humble beginning... and I feel SO blessed each day because of it!

I grew up sharing a bunk bed, food & shelter with 100 other orphans in an orphanage during the Vietnam War for 10 years. I always miss home and I never felt quite "full" each day at meal times. It was more challenging when I was and ( still am) a slow eater with the Asian way of "family style serving" What do I mean by that?  It is like at our Thanksgiving Dinner when all the food would be in the middle of the table and each one of us would have own rice bowl to reach for the main dishes. I eventually learned to take more meat, fish or veggies and hide them under my rice so I can get my share while eating at my snail pace to survive.

Come to think of it, I believe this is why I like serving "restuarant style" at my dinner table to my family & friends. I pile up each plate ( always decoratively) with everything and serve! Bon Appetit!  :)
Of course, I ALWAYS have more food than needed to make sure my family, friends and guests feel FULL at my table.  Ooops! Honey, I think that's why you have gained your weight being married to me  and added with your own upbringing to always empty your plates.   (Ok, that's a random thought ) lol haha

I share my humble beginning to say that I have been at both ends...you must appreciate the "emptiness" in order to appreciate "abundance" fully with gratitude. Abundance can mean a lot of different things to alot of people.  To me, I don't mean how much money or things you have or  lack. It is the feeling of being so blessed to have what you already have in front of you that money can't buy!

Especially after celebrating The Fourth of July! I am still feeling the gratitude even more today,  to be alive and being here in America as my "Home Sweet Home."
Thank you, America! I am grateful for my freedom & peace!

I am grateful for the beauty  & charm around our yellow  cottage that bring us joy and the hardwork behind it to appreciate each day and each season.

I so love & appreciate my husband, James. His hard work at the office each day to provide for us and also supply us with his handy work around our lil' cottage. We spent all of his July 4th weekend vacation, working hard to add to our sweet dream, being together, sweating together, laughing together & going out to get our desserts together to stay cool.  :)

Our dream is very simple.... I saw it, I felt it, I know it! ...It was in that very special moment that he stopped, out of the blue, sweaty and all from his  hard working mode to hug me and gave me a kiss and said, "I love us and why we are working so hard, together."  I teared up to feel the huge abundance of home & love in my heart. You can't buy those moments & feelings. For sure, money and things can't fulfilled!  It was in THAT moment, I  am grateful and knew that I have EVERYTHING my heart desires!

His labor of love to install irrigation with timers so my flowers and veggies will flourish but more importantly,  my reminder of those precious moments that my heart swell up and my heart will flourish as well! 

I believe God provides what our heart desires MOST!  I want Home & Love more than life itself. Without them, life is not worth living for this orphan...

But in reality, we all tend to be greedy at times. ( I am also guilty of my share of wants).
It's only when we think we WANT more than we NEED that we put ourselves in a place of constant "disatisfaction" or "lack" instead of standing in a glorious place of great blessings, abundance and gratitude of what we already have!

Please take a real good look around you today... What are you grateful for???

With love & light,
Hai

The first day...Day 1

I decided to start a blog today! It's a good day as any to START! :)

This is my chosen place where I can write down my random thoughts & share with the world out there in cyberspace as my platform. Somewhere these thoughts may become meaningful for someone at the right time, at the right junction in life, when & where he/she needed most.

Selfishly, I must admit it allows me to do my part to give back of myself to humanity, to my fellow sisters & brothers. I am just like you with a journey to live, to express and to make a difference in a small way by "sharing".

Why I named my personal blog, "One Day at a Time"? Because, I totally think it's so appropriate to LIFE and I have a little story to share about this title!

I love to stroll through anitque shops whenever I can.   So on just an ordinary day with time to stroll, I found an old picture hidden in a corner that spoke to me so profoundly... I think I bought it for $2.00 and took it home to remind me to take "one day at a time" ever since.
It has been a priceless reminder to me each day and I would like to share it with you here...

"One Day At A Time"
Help me believe in what I could be and all that I am.
Show me the stairway I have to climb.
Lord, for my sake, teach me to take one day at a time.
~Jamie Carter~

It's only appropraite that I  start with this beautiful simple thought to begin my journey in blogging and sharing with you today...

I hope you will follow my blog and check in from time to time to read my posts on random LIFE subjects, honoring your "One Day at a Time" in your own journey. I hope you will feel safe & appreciated here to share your  own thoughts, comments and add your positive energy to add to someone else's day.

My utmost wish is that you will walk away with a nugget or two to inspire you or to just put a smile in your day to LIVE "One Day at a Time" in your journey as well...

So, let's take this journey together,  one day at a time.... Shall we??? :)

With love & light,
Hai