Your Dreams Can Change- Part 4~ Day 46

Part 4...

But even in the midst of living my “family” dream, the orphanage dream was still alive in me from time to time.  

Cam Ranh City Orphanage circa 1968

 

So eventually, I wanted to share my long time dream with my new family.

The Swansons family in front of Cam Ranh City Orphanage, 2004

In 2004, when my "new" American family traveled to Vietnam for our wedding, I took this opportunity to do just that. 

Cam Ranh City Orphanage, circa 2004

I wanted to be there with my new family, and together visit the vacated orphanage where I spent my childhood.  Floodgates of emotions stirred in me to see only the pillars of the front of my orphanage still standing.

Three original orphans from this site, my brother, Jason, my cousin, Hiep and me

Even as I write this blog today, I can vividly see the building we visited that day, and where all the girls and I lived and slept in the dormitories as small children. 

 

We walked the grounds with my husband’s children for about an hour as I pointed out the various memories of my past.

 

It was an endearing day for me to be with James, to walk those steps of my childhood past.  I was no longer that lonely orphan, in the arms of Soldier Grace, but a happy woman in the arms of my beloved.

To conclude our trip, the local Vietnamese official shared current information with us about the property that once stood as our “Cam Ranh Christian Orphanage”. 

Our translator, Hai (yes, we share the same name) has pre-arranged a meeting with a local official who knew more about the orphanage’s status.  

We discovered that the Communist government had taken over the property and was planning to erect new buildings where my orphanage home once flourished with the sound of small children playing during the war.  

Though it was good to hear progress being made for this meaningful piece of land, it was sad for me to realize that any possibility to make my dream come true, as I had envisioned, would not be possible.
It was hard to give up, and my heart would continue to cling to any thread of hope.

 

Once again, with each visit to my homeland, I returned to America and my normal routines, with less optimism to achieve the dream that had engulfed me for the past 20 years. 

James, waving goodbye to our Vietnamese family in 2004 

As I continued to live my family dream to the fullest, I hung on to my “purpose” and soon discovered the new and evolving FaceBook and the Internet became useful tools to find and reach other orphans.

Over the next 5 years, other orphans from our same orphanage surfaced through cyberspace.  They created their own FB page and website to  share and post a similar dream as mine.  Our parallel dreams were so similar, they even used my original mission statement published in my book to guide them. I was thrilled to see other orphans interested, thereby giving hope to my stalled dream.  It gave me much relief to know this dream will stay alive, even if I failed in my personal attempt. 

Anyway, stubbornly, I still was not able to give up on this life long dream.  It continued to define, yet torment me,… until I finally was able to “Let go, let God” in 2010.

Tomorrow, in Part 5 of this series on “dreams”, I will share that final step which not only gave me permission to end this dream, but more importantly, gave me permission to accept its finality by letting go of it,…with emotional peace.

With Love & Lasting hope, 


Hai