Hello friends,
Where have I been?
I have been in the "desert" for the last 5 years to reach to a happier place in my life today. It hasn't been easy but I realized that only by LIVING through the tough times that you appreciate the good times more.
Today, I am more grateful for more good days. I was struggling through my new stage in life as a woman going through all the changes with hormones as a natural stage of "menopause" concurrently entering into a new phase of my life turning 50. It was and still is a new decade to embrace, accept and celebrate.
Admittedly, I was a slow learner on my own. It has taken me 5 years to balance my life embrace that season of my life and to be able to grow again. I am now in a fast growth mindset to begin to SHIFT what didn't work for me to get here and now.
I had to reach a painful place the MAKE A CHANGE. I realized only I can make that CHANGE.
I no longer wait for my husband, wait for my family, wait for the world around me to CHANGE.
It is ME who has to CHANGE first before anything else can change. Understand this is simple but doing it is not easy when you feel you are all alone with your inner battle no one could possibly understand.
Honestly, it was a false sense of pride, that I was embarrassed to let people see my weaknesses and the images they hold of me to let go of my automatic smiles on my face to cover the pain.
Being real is a very vulnerable place in this superficial social media world we live in today. While my life seems perfect outwardly in every way, I didn't feel that way at all inside.
It took 2020 with Covid-19 to awaken me and many others to SLOW DOWN the world, to reflect what's life real meaning for each person. For me, seeking for inner soul peace to be happy with myself no matter what circumstances in life are happening around me.
I reached out for help with many different forms of support and coaching. I welcomed help from friends, professionals, and others who are kindred spirits into my world to share & support on this similar journey. There are more women and men on the same path than you realize. I didn't feel alone anymore.
I also learned that not everyone is the right support for me and I had to learn to walk away from them to be able to rebuild my inner strength to create the life I would love no matter how I feel each day or , or, or... We all tend to have many excuses to make a change.
With baby steps, I began slowly, allowing myself to play, create, dream, and smile from the inside again...
I had to rebuild my self-esteem from the ground up and... this journey is still ongoing today and for the rest of my life!
Like a garden and I am a gardener to understand this but I need to be reminded! It is a law of nature.
What you sow, you reap and there are different seasons in the cycle of life to learn to adapt to the constant changes of life, coming to you each day.
Growth happens each day, slowly and surely with little or big progress when we nurture it.
My soul is the only plant that is truly mine and that is my sole responsibility that I must nurture with goodness each day with my positive thoughts and with positive actions to be able to bloom.
My biggest growth is to be 100% responsible for MY thoughts! ( Negative thoughts)
It's my thoughts, my choices, and my actions to make minor shifts each moment constantly.
Yes, it's hard work and a full-time job to pay attention to your own negative thoughts and your own negative words in your head to make real changes.
My hardest practice is to give "attention" to noticing my negative thought and change it to positive thoughts immediately first and foremost in my conscious and subconscious minds!
Yes, you and I will do this at least a zillion times a day with our constant chatter in our minds.
Being mindful is the first practice I had to learn again and again and again each day.
Up until now, my mind was cluttered with old stuff of the past, all the negative thoughts and negative beliefs of myself. I thought negatively, as less than or unworthy and the people around me were uncaring and abusive as my past experiences.
So, one day I said, NO MORE!
I took a stand for that scared little orphan girl who was still in my dark attic.
I, the adult version of myself had to step up to take full responsibility for every negative thought, for every negative feeling from that inner frightened child. I gently and lovingly took her hands in mine to be brave again, trust again and know she has better options and that she no longer has to hide or live a limited life in that dark attic.
The first step was the hardest.
There were days, I tend to run back to what is familiar, even back into the most undesirable place than to face her greater fear of the unknown to change.
I didn't realize my own power yet and that I hold the key to unlock it all along!
You hold the key to unlock it and free yourself. No one can do it for you.
Just accept and be OK that it is a lifetime process and take it one day at a time!
You will not be perfect at it at first but allow yourself to practice it, making these little shifts imperfectly to nurture your mindset to be stronger.
It's a new discipline. Be kind to yourself to practice and don't give up on yourself.
Is your past, old negative self still sentencing you to stay there in the dark attic today?
So today, if you are still in your own dark attic, be brave and open that door and ask yourself where would you love to go from here?
What would you love for yourself at this very moment?
God Bless you always,
Hai
